She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
