TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
