So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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