Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
