Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
