we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
