Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
