I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this boner is exhausting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
