i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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