My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
