Your dad touched me again.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
