I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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