my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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