pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize