I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
