hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
