The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
