i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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