Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
