Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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