She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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