Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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