i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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