he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
