i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
