ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
