wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize