How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We are all done wearing pants today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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