I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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