Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
