I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
