maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
