We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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