that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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