dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
