i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
