Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
