"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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