Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
