His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
