Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
