Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
