there's paper in my vomit.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
