pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize