You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
