No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
