my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
