Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
