can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
