I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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