If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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