I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
