You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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