I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
