They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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