Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
