Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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