i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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