all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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