If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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