i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
