did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
