Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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