I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize