Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
