ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
