You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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