I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
